On Expressing Oneself and Loosing Mind – at the same time

Apparently I am loosing my mind……..

Second time…

First time It was claimed when I watched “American Pie”. Why? It was my first movie in color. Must have been a cultural shock for a village yokel. I was just fresh out of my village. Never traveled so far away from my home. Never by train. Never seen a tube-light before (only bulbs and that’s too in the nearby town).. Indeed, it was my first encounter with the modern world, as it is believed.

But this time, it is not because of cultural shock. It is because I have been expressing myself more openly and, in fact, in the way I should not be. Its time to revisit…..

Once one of my room-mate was saying, “Its easy to go on a Date in Kolkata, But having sex in almost impossible.” I remarked, “In my village, You can have sex but it is impossible to go on a Date.”

Then there were Lolz…….

It is pleasingly easier situation than any of the situations I have seen in ‘American Pie’ and you could expect that a guy coming from that sexual-liberated society not to loose his mind (pun intended).  There is a knowledge for you, “If you see sugarcane fields in any Village, sex is as easy as making money in this world. Ever wonder why Kamdev’s bow is made of Sugarcane!!” As Mark Twain once said, “You need not to be smart for making money, You just have to know how to make money.(See, chapter on poverty and inequality)” That holds in the case of Sex also. I never fit in my village, neither in this modern world.

But I am concerned with this time loosing-mind. When I first took on Times of India, one of my FB-friend confronted. Never by giving any references but by ‘I think‘ and ‘Hindu padhke tu chutiya gaya hai Gaonwale, ye leftist paper hai.” Once he even commented that “look at you, talking all this, want to run away from real problems and want to do a Ph.D.” Perhaps He did not like the tone of it and deleted it to replace it with more neutral comment. Comment which appeared on my Facebook page did not contain these damning words. He might be oblivious to the fact that Facebook sends an email every time you submit a comment. That indeed is great problem with online publishing. It can not be undone once you’ve done it. One must be careful about his/her privacy. Second time, when I blog my open letter to riches/would be riches of this great-nation, He commented, “Why don’t you become a richie” and then again, He deleted it.  Few days ago I was confronted again first with an advise and then, when I pushed him more, by harsh words. But this person had always been very polite.

This calls for why people who are generally do not have express opinion in public become so much disturbed that they make it a personal confrontation rather than a cool-headed debate on general issue. I admit that I am the first one who try to make it a personal issue and then backs off from all of these. For two reasons, one, taking it personally will trouble my thinking process and I’ll spend a significant time to counter-argue him/her rather than worrying about general picture. Second, without hurting someone sentiments you can not get what one really thinks.

So why people get pissed off! Consider a child. Just criticize his/her parents in front of him/her, (s)he will get angry whether (s)he is able to retaliate is other issue. Now this child grows up and starts making fun of same parents but if you criticize his/her girlfriend/boyfriend, (s)he might get really pissed off. You might always be right. The issue is identity. First parents were his/her identity. This child is known by their name. In college, His identity is a separate one from their parents so He does not have to protect this identity which contribute nothing to his. His girlfriend now forms a significant part of his identity, He has to protect it for he no longer known as Mr. X but by the ‘setting‘ of  Ms Y. The time He is out of his college, She no longer an identity of His (or vice versa) And we see a lot of breaking ups after college and starts doubting whether love does exist. These cases happens mostly after marriage. A wife is not as strong identity as a girlfriend even though she is called as ‘Ardhangini‘ – the other half. So protecting the part of identity your wife which contributes to yours is not an issue.  But you can not hurt your girlfriend as openly. The dynamics of identity in this relationship is still evolving and had been shaped by rather more liberal point of view. Its not to say that GF’s are not physically abused by BF’s. But in India this problem is not as adverse as it is in UK. Or perhaps we have to see it since there are relatively very few teens in those situations in ALL OF THE INDIA.

In fact, a stronger identity of one’s wife threatened a men’s identity. When Sita (in Ramayana) was able to lift a bow which was so heavy, Janaka, He father, fainted. Not because he was awestruck by the sheer strength of his daughter but by the fact that she might not be able to get married. From where He could find a groom stronger than her. A man should be stronger than his wife? That was an identity of a men in those day and still is. A female boxer can only marry a man boxer. And if one do not do that, there will be jokes.  In these days, A man should earn more than his wife? It is a modern identity of man. When this identity is threatened, you see some ridiculous cases coming out in public. It roughly translated into ego-clash. So you see a highly-educated girl or a girl earning much either single of marrying someone who by the way is not interested in her capabilities. A normal man (the most prominent species these days) would not like the idea having stronger wife (both physically or  monetary). But one might not be having problem of the girl is stronger in ethics, character, morals, compassion for they are not valued in the ‘Markets of Society‘. So you see people giving advice to girls not to become IAS for after that they can only marry an IAS. What a fucking stupid world I came to born in! It must have been made by a force who had the very sarcastic sense-of-humor. More sarcastic than Chandler Bing.

Next time you want to make a guy/girl pissed off. Just figure out his/her identity and attack it.

The lame Hindus who never confronted and fight the foreign powers with the identity ‘Indian’ showed remarkable ‘veerta‘ in burning, raping and maiming helpless Muslims in Gujrat when they felt that their ‘hindu’ identity is threatened. Same is true with Muslims and Americans. Its not a clash of civilizations as it appears as the title of this link, it is the clash of identities. You can abuse India in front of mostly Indians and came out without a black eye, just try to do it with ‘Hiduism’ or “Muslism’ etc. Once a guy in my hostel (H9 -Pluto, IITB) thrashed another guy who was constantly criticizing Indian cricket team when It was loosing. Amazingly the guy was Bengali who are generally very soft.

So a market-worshiper identity is threaten when some-one preach equality and so gets a flak for it. Same is with the TOI and HT, if you love this newspaper, you see the world as they want to show you. They make you take pride in those papers with all the emotional campaign (mostly on the anniversaries) and hence they form a part of your identity in you. To make argument you start, ‘in TOI that day’. A much more subtle and less biased version could be, “have you read P. Sainath published in The Hindu yesterday?” That is the difference between ardent Hindu and and ardent TOI reader[1]….

 In India, the land I work in to make a living, has a peculiar habit. If something is going wrong in your house with you and wrong-doers are the members of your family, you are not suppose to make noise for it might disturb the neighbor. All izz well, you must be chanting all the time. And if you speak (just like Arundhati Roy) you are confronted with a tempting argument “Its easy to figure out a problem rather than solving it.”

Once Prof H Narayan in one of the assignment gave us a problem. The problem was, in fact, that we have to come up with a problem, explore it, understand it and try to find out a solution.(with a waring to me, You are creative but you also have to right). Just try do it yourself. An hours passed, and I was looking at my paper and thinking of the song, ‘Mera jeevan kora kagaj, kora hi rah gaya.” (My life was a blank paper, as it remains so.)

In our life almost all of the problems -if you look closely – are made by someone else, say peer pressure which I found so much on the students of IIT-B, surely they have extra-human capabilities to sustain these identities all along. I could not do that, just cant!!). Why you need a solution if you can stop a problem when It was evolving. You never had to solve this economic crisis had the regulation was in place. But the process of creating a problem is ‘profitable’ for some, and all people are not blind. They speak and try to point out that your are creating a problem. But these ‘educated’  people have to remove this obstacle. So they came out with this statement. How intelligent! “The only thing they know is crib and question! Its easier to question and be a question rather than to find or be a solution !” So be quiet when we are making a problem, then you can criticise and solve it while we busy ourselves to make one more (sure there is supply and demand).

The rabble rouser!! If you a management students then you might be hearing these days, even in Harward Review of Business, that for an organization to work well, they are indeed necessary. A modern approach to management.

But why people criticize? We all know that the most prominent use of language is to influence others. We all do it in some way or other. Sending ‘sms’, ’emails’, letters, posting links, tweets, blogs, in one form or other are only to influence others, and in this process, making others to realize that  we do exist, even only on Social Networking Sites.

Foreground and background can never have same pattern! You may call them ‘dissidents’, ‘assholes’, ‘some -ist, -ism’ or whatever. They would never like status-quo. And whatever significant ever came out in this world, it came out through these guys.

Indeed, Who would not like to live in foreground? This is as tempting as for most of us, money is, power is, peace is, happiness is. They are not much complex. That deserve another blog.

1. Irony, though the name of this newspaper is TheHindu, it hated Narandra Modi in particular and mocked at BJP almost all the time. True, Left criticism is not there, but for that you can refer to Indian Express. Or a better picture another estimable newspaper ‘The Telegraph’ of Kolkata. When Left loose in Bengal, TOI was so happy deliberately and quite dumbly says that people had enough of leftism. The picture is to whom they lost, Mamta who is more opposite to neo-liberal policies. In fact She represents Leftism in its most darning force but in another wrapper. But an enemy is lost to a person who has same colors -only more saturated – and it is time to celebrate. 



Author: Dilawar

Graduate Student at National Center for Biological Sciences, Bangalore.

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